Going to see Nine Inch Nails this Saturday at the Forum in Inglewood. I'm going alone, and while this makes me very nervous, I'm way too excited to let anything stand in the way. If I didn't do any of the things in life that made me nervous, I'd be permanently landlocked.
MJF expressed interest, but as he's in OH, that's out of the cards. This is for the best, because here's what would happen: He'd come, we'd fuck, things would get awkward again because we can't and shouldn't be together, and then I go back to having lost my best friend. (And I used the diminutive word "fuck" because it wouldn't be making love. Sexual encounter for the sheer face value.) Still, it would have been nice to go to the show with him. Although, there are going to be plenty of men there waiting to expend all of their angst-ridden energy after what will be a skull-fuck of a concert.
Potentially a liberating, enticing, and unforgettable night...
...that is, unforgettable if I met a Mr. Trent Reznor. HA!!! Not in this life time. Dare to dream.
I feel that I should notate my food intake as it was a disappointing day. Good until C came in because then I had to stop purging.
1 c coffee w/cream and Splenda
1 chocolate cookie
(C leaves for work)
1/3 bag of fries with ranch
2 cans cheese ravioli
purge
cooked more fries, but threw them away to punish
1 key lime cookie
(C comes home to an already delivered pizza and breadsticks and me 1 slice and 2 breadsticks in. fuck.)
SO: 2 slices cheese pizza, 3 breadsticks
LATER: 3 Jack and diet Cokes
Yesterday I had a can of ravioli for lunch and one for dinner. Pathetic, but seem to be losing weight nonetheless. Want to be at 140 for the NIN show. Will be at 120 before the end of this year. Okay 125. I'll try to keep it to a minimum tomorrow. All purge, no play, must make goal for Saturday.
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