From 8/30/08, "Creating my own melancholy"

I watched you change
As if you never had a chance
In the Valley of the Dolls.

Just came back from RP's (2:30am)
I cannot stop thinking about MJF today. He's all I've thought about for hours. "How long until he returns my text?" "What's he going to say?" I wasn't planning on writing a journal entry about him ever again, but here I am. Again. I DO create my own melancholy. I bring depression, this hollowing sadness. The unflinching doubt and uncertainty. I love him still. A relationship as strict friends cannot work. There's always going to be that desire, no matter how much I try to suppress it. He won't abandon my thoughts.