I've got to get out of here. LA was a shotgun blast to the chest with no exit wound, allowing infection to fester inside. I'm sincerely losing control here, and dream daily for a method of escape. I don't feel that I ave a place anywhere, and I'm choking on an ever-thickening despair. My only solution is to sit with my head in my hands unable to cry, unable to think. A sense of complete unfeeling has overtaken my body, allowing whoever to do whatever as I remain stoic and sad.
I don't fear death, but question the afterlife. If I had a firm grip on who I was, I would end it all, to use the trite and careless phrase. I can't stand who I am or what I've become. I only want it to stop. I feel like the world has abandoned me. No sympathy for those who lag behind.
(NOTE: I had created a list of words coresponding to the emotions attached to the entry. I don't know why some are capped and some are not.)
Denial
self-loathing
Hatred
scared
lonely
restless
bored
tired.
no sense of self
unfeeling
unlovable
conflicted
Abandoned
Used
Desperate
Disparaging
failure
Useless
Diminished
addicted
branded
destructive
appalled
reckless
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