From 10/31/08, "Halloween, more of the same"

Happy Halloween. My life is indeed a hellish nightmare. I feel guilty that this is my first entry in over a month. This is partially due to the fact that the raw angst diminished for a brief time, and had a brief stint in [emotional] rehab. I've been enjoying life working at the Glendale costume Shoppe, and found a happiness akin to my childhood fantasies of becoming a costumer/designer. But dear heart, do not despair - I'm crawling my way out of remission and back into the hellfire of an unsettling and vengeful depression; like an old pair of jeans, the fit is natural.

So much has happened over the course of one month. It appears that I never entered BC into this book. We have since been together twice, after the date of the previous entry... I encountered B first at game night. A week or two later, he was in my bed. Two weeks after that, back again. Funny thing is, last week (our last encounter) he was my 2nd person in a span of 4 days.

TC. He's an englishman, and makes me melt to the floor upon every word spoken from his soft, accented lilt. He's gorgeous. We fucked. After only a face-to-face meeting of under an hour. He's my buddy now.

I met KO through C. He was two years ahead of me in school, and had somehow slipped my radar. Girl code plainly states that you DO NOT date your roommate's crush. I can't help who is attracted to me. And KO is. And we've gone out a couple of times. He's nearly 40, and a writer. I don't understand my attraction right now, other than the fact that I won out over C. That again I obtained the XY goal before any other woman could. The real truth is, he's a great guy with a lot going for him. My draw feels genuine, as we went out on a second date today, and I didn't sleep with him. Kudos to me! But I see it in his eyes. The way he looks and observes. And I'll allow it.

Something strange is going on with my vision. I have been getting migraine auras, minus the migraine, followed by temp peripheral blindness. I concerned that I am going to experience total blindness at some point. I don't know if this has any correlation to my purging; that I've maybe strained my eyes and did damage behind them.

I feel here that I should put down some of my eating habits over the past few days:
Sunday
container of Trader Joe's mac'n'cheese, purge
some chocolate candies
3 rum and diet cokes, involuntary purge
Monday
nachos from Poquito Mas, maintain
Tuesday
Chinese food, mmaintain
Wednesday
pizza, maintain
Thursday
Doritos and fries, purge; a couple Reese's

What a disgusting little piggy I've been. Time to get control. All purge, no play, must make goal for Saturday. No meals until next week. No disputes. Purge all.

I don't even want to devote time talking about MJF in this entry. He's having issues, and I feel that he's upset at me because, once again, he's misinterpreted something that I've written. A blog, for G. Totally platonic. He totally misunderstood. I'm about to wash my hand of the whole thing.

(NOTE: and then I proceeded to make "Of Mice and Men, pt 2" but more detailed for all you curious cats out there...)
David H
Jason C
Ryan P
Justin T
Mike F
Matt F
Andy
Ben W
Joe C
Alan K
Ryan L
Chuck G
Ben C
Tom C
Guy Whose Name I Can't Remember
Kurt C
Brandon T

So... is there some kind of celebration when I reach 20?